-Dun be susprise.-

something hits me today and i felt pretty emotional on one guy whom i've kept pretty silent abt it for a few years. three years and still counting. He's sealed in my heart, well knowing that i still have feelings for him. yes, he is doing exceptionally, awesomely good in his army now. i;m talking abt my first bf when i'm in my poly days, if u still remember him.

still vividly remembered the day we met till the last day when we parted. All the- snuggling in bed, sitting on his sofa beside him watching cartoons while he chews on his biscuits, having a nice dinner with his family, sat by his side while he plays dota with his friends, watching him doing revision in mac, his fav x-men movie,and etc. It's all of these mini stuff we do that makes us a really happy innocent purely in love. but why i quit that... its definately not that i dun love him anymore, nor was it anyone that got into our way, i know its me and maybe him. maybe i'm not ready for anything, and he might have felt uncomfortable with me physically ard him, tat sometimes, we have nothng much to chat abt, i felt obligated to be ard him, and to be at ease, i sensed it somehow that i finally ask for it. tats the boldest and stupidest thing i did.

not being a hypocrite now. i'm just thinking back, and i do regret wat i did till this very day, for letting him go. if i could do this again, i'll make things right. its too late to even say anything. evetually it fall onto deaf ears. i might be gay and i'm proud of it, but i'm never happy, especially our chat in recent conversation.

to think again, maybe i did something good too. he's a much happier person now from all the pictures i saw in his facebook. His church mates, army mates, great friends and maybe soon, a gf. besides, it seems like we're getting distanted too. but i know i can never forget him. cos i loved him.

It really hard to describe how it feel like when we're tgt three years ago, but the love is genuine. i can never stop emphasising on it.i guess we never meant to be. If i could change one thing, i just wish that i have never made the decision i did, but i did. so i deserve that treatment from him. (=

-People change overtime. Maybe its just a good thing not to look at the times we had in the past and cherish ever moment now.-

no qualms that he's still here in me.i accept ur critic. i'll still be here with u in silence cos i've decided to go under this stuidity love spell since the day i gave myself away.


Siong Siong bear Love Joe.T, Joel and Jovien, his friends, his family on 8 November o9!