I'm just wondering... did i just screw my life up?

just feeling slightly emo.
yea. things have been good, especially at work. however, Now, i refuse to step home early. whenever i get a chance to just think abt mr sim, i'm depress.

right now, i just wanna know how he is doing with his life, his boys, everything. like the stuff we usually chat every night. it makes me happy , satisfied and sufficient.
We're distant now.
It's hard to tell him that i love him as a friend, taken as my 'boy'friend in another word, just like nicholas...

the only exception - we can get involve in sexual activities (but like wat mr sim says, if we do this, we are expressing our emotions out, that i might take it that we are making love and not having sex)
That is why, i'm blew the matter up.

I take it as far as it goes, cos i know we are very comfortable with each other everytime we're out in the open. happily expressing affection publicly. that's almost feel like we're dating couples. As far as i'm concern, if he is cool, i could continue to go alittle further. (I hate it when he always smile, but maybe deep inside, he's reluctant). i just enjoys his company alot. agreed that i went over the line this time, but he is over-reacting too. He's changed after we had our first official session.

Men are like this, they get wat they wanted and feels that this isn their cup of tea, they'll just turn u away. Mr sim DIDN literally do that... but our contact went lesser....and lesser... and he even set boundaries like wat should friends DO's and DON's. WAts susprising was that he really follow this rules well. On the other hand, i carn be cool with that at all... (its all too fast to handle)
and inevitably, during this period, i know he's out with other men as well...(F-kingly having fun)

I dun deserve to suffer like this... but why does it always happen to me...
wat can i possibly do to save myself from this tragic.

I dread having to drag my feet to go home everyday. I'm tired, worn out from my work. i step home just to find myself going through the same routine. Bath, Online and wait for his Msn prompt, and or till i'm so tired, i just fall asleep.

I didn cry, nor I'm feeling really Sad that i wan to cry. I just miss him, miss his craps, his chat abt his boys, and time we chat on the phone... i never get to do this with any guys before... he's nice, yet why am i hurt still.

i can just really focus on my work and think nth. but should i/ can i just leave Mr Sim alone.? i wanna help him, and i desire to hear him. sound contradicting, but indeed, he worries me.

SiongSiongBear loves Joe.T, Joel and Jovien, his friends, his family and his life on 28 Sep 09!